Today I found myself typing in Google: “how to make love last forever?”. Corny, I know. It must be the shift to l’heure d'été. After what seemed like an infinite scroll through the self-help area in the neighbourhood library, I realised the internet was only stating the obvious: relationships are harsh (tell me something I don’t know) and only through humongous compromise and constant forgiveness we’d have a chance to make love persist. Fully aware of the insane compromise love demands, not to mention the unforgettable shadow of heart-break, still we are profoundly touched when we walk by an old couple - when he helps her overcome that final step on the stairs, when she holds his walking stick while he buys Le Monde or when they hold hands in such a natural way you can easily understand they’ve been doing so for a very, seriously VERY, long time (if your heart has not melted yet please get tested, you’re most certainly a stone). All in all, us twenty-something people, we’re mere witnesses of these tender scenes, sighing, wanting, fantasising. And I wonder:
What makes us secretly yearn for that life-lasting partner?
While not everyone desires a romantic ally, some of us (plus the whole community on psychologytoday.com) believe having a significant other can fulfill us, enhance us. It’s about companionship, unconditional support, probably a tad of social norms and expectations too to be honest. But it seems that our human nature requires emotional connection and the need for togetherness is inherent to us. For instance, I find frying an egg absolutely terrifying and I’m grateful to have a partner who (surprisingly) doesn’t fear the pan. Alternatively, I’m the one cheering up the quarrel in my boyfriend’s sometimes grumpy mind.
Anybody can fall in love, it’s a fact, period. I have a friend who falls in love every day, with actual people (in case your mind's on cute puppies). His jaws would drop at every restaurant, his eyes would sparkle at every corner of Paris: “jeez look at her, are you looking at her? damn, she’s a sweetheart”. The difficult and meaningful thing, though, is to choose to stay in love. Because love goes beyond physical attraction or infatuation, it involves a deeper level of pretty much everything: trust, commitment, emotional intimacy, doing his laundry. The difference between falling in love and being in love is that one fades over the years (or hours, in my friend’s case) and the other gets through the test of time, impeccably.
You know what all those long-lasting couples have in common? They never stopped saying “I love you”, or more importantly, showing “I love you”. They keep opening doors and making favourite meals, they complain and forgive because they know that taken cumulatively, minor disappointments can turn into a showstopper. So, instead of asking “how to make love last forever?” they type: “can couples change together?”.
Think about it, life’s more endurable if you’re a double trouble. Two hands can reach further, two eyes can see wider and yes, absolutely, two lovers can love… endlessly.
PS: I know what you’re thinking, but two boobs can only drive you crazy.
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